The Antidote to Overwhelm & Despair: The Three Circles of Responsibility
I’m hearing preachers’ stories about shifts in their congregations, that even reading the Beatitudes now elicits hostile emails, when the last time they were read brought nary a comment.
Preachers of Color feel less safe, especially those who serve in majority white congregations or areas.
Who could have imagined even a few weeks ago that we’d have to weigh whether we could afford the potential repercussions of referring to the body of water to the South of the US as the Gulf of Mexico!
It's overwhelming to take even a furtive glance at the news because of the volume of stories coming out of Washington. And we’re just beginning to hear about the vulnerable feeling the effects of the changes.
As a result, I feel myself falling—already—into a state of numbness where I'm becoming inured to the pace, chaos, and pain.
And it's only just started.
It makes me feel bewildered about what, if anything, I can do to relieve any of the innumerable and increasing sources of suffering.
Helplessness creeps over my shoulders like a warm blanket, coaxing me to curl up, give up, and have someone wake me when it’s all over.
But we cannot afford to give into helplessness.
After all, Jesus also faced innumerable sources of suffering. But he didn't give in to helplessness, victimization, or hopelessness (excepting his understandable “moment” in the Garden of Gethsemane).
How do we manage the forces of chaos and resist the mantle of helplessness?
The Three Circles of responsibility
In her book The Lightmaker’s Manifesto: How to Work for Change Without Losing Your Joy, Karen Walrond cites Jane Mosbacher Morris, founder and CEO of TO THE MARKET, an enterprise fostering the economic empowerment of women globally, on how to face overwhelm:
“I think it's very easy to get into what I call a despair spiral, or analysis paralysis, when trying to figure out how to tackle a problem. So I think my answer is the same, whether the question is about activism or any other challenge: I focus on the three circles that I'm in the middle of, concentric circles that surround me. The first, small circle represents what I can control. The second, larger circle that closes the first circle is what I can influence. Then the third, largest circle is everything else. So for me, focusing first on what I can control and influence is a helpful mindset.*
When I read this paragraph, my lungs inflate with a deep, cleansing breath.
This wisdom sources hope because it gives me choices.
It reminds me of the power of agency.
Agency—under God’s guidance towards compassion, dignity, and justice—is hope in action.
Agency creates hope when we take an action and can point to it and say “I did that.”
It’s not about pointing to an outcome. It’s about pointing to our contribution knowing we did what we could.
It demonstrates that we’re not helpless, that there are things we can do, which feels a whole lot better than doing nothing.
These circles of responsibility help us see through the lie that there's nothing we can do—and simplifies what we can.
And that awareness brings hope.
The First Circle: What We Can Control
We control our actions and reactions.
We control what is within us, what we ask to enter into us, and what we do and can directly affect.
This makes for a pretty small circle.
The things within us are our attitudes and perspectives, our choices and values.
Within us is our purpose: it’s gratitude and joy and genuinely believing in the God-given inherent worth of all people.
The things we ask to enter into us are our habits, practices, and disciplines.
This means prioritizing—above all else—practices like reconnecting with God and our why, fostering health in body and mind, and connecting with loved ones.
It also includes creating comforting routines that decrease decision-making during times of stress.
What we allow in through our eyes and ears has a powerful impact, so we need to be purposeful and intentional about what and how much news to consume, and the materials we select that encourage, teach, or make us laugh.
This first, smallest circle also includes the things we can directly alter like our preaching, getting to know our listeners deeply and reverently, and studying and taking action to build beloved communities within our parish and locations.
That's about it.
It may not seem like a lot, but the impact of seeing our genuine choices in action provides hope to live and serve for another day.
The Second Circle: What We Can Influence
What's adjacent to the circle of our control?
Influence.
This second circle spreads out and includes the structures and institutions adjacent to us that have an impact on others.
If we serve in a parish, adjacent to us are our parishioners, the parish council, and the regional denomination.
Adjacent to a parish building are neighbors, businesses, and other churches and nonprofit organizations.
Also adjacent is our government in widening circles at the town, school, county, state, and national levels, and the engines that run them.
Our circle of influence also includes our households, extended family, friend groups, and digital platforms.
We can’t control or directly affect their choices or the outcomes, but our influence still matters.
We influence by preaching with our life—through our daily words and actions in and beyond the pulpit—the love, grace, and mercy of Jesus, and the dignity of every other human being.
That matters. Our preaching provides hope, especially to those who are not being respected and to those who seek the courage to stand up for them.
We influence by writing letters to our representatives, meeting with and praying for our parish councils, sending our dollars to the groups who support our values, engaging digital platforms in a way that’s authentic to our values, and proclaiming the Good News from the pulpit.
Because the second circle spreads out, we have to be cautious in constraining the number of actions we take and for which purposes—because the choices are vast.
Again, in this circle we don’t focus on the results of our influence.
We focus on our agency: the fact that we contribute, under God’s guidance, to loving our neighbors like ourselves.
That we contribute within our circle of influence provides fuel to keep going.
The Third Circle: Everything Else
Let. Go.
Let go of everything outside our circle of influence.
This is so, so hard.
I get it, because we preachers tend to be a compassionate and empathetic lot.
We see and feel the suffering of others.
Making others suffer is wrong, God's beloved are hurting, and we want it to stop!
But beyond our circle of influence we cannot do anything about it, and to pretend otherwise is magical thinking.
To let go is to pray like a mantra, "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
To let go is to picture releasing the suffering into the hands of others who embrace them within their circles of control and influence, including what they, themselves are able to do.
To let go is to pray for guidance like the psalmist, "Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long” (Ps. 25.5).
To let go is to entrust all who suffer to God's never-ending love as Paul tells us because, "Love always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails" (I Cor. 13.7-8).
Because love never fails, when we mind our circles of responsibility for love of neighbor, neither will we.
Do you wish for a community to share the challenges of these times?
And to grow your preaching to meet this moment?
The Collectives were designed for this purpose.
Join to discover:
A supportive community to wrestle with what is and isn’t our responsibility.
A resource for growing in skill and discernment around our preaching.
A place to establish life-giving rhythms and practices for the difficult and relentless work of your preaching call.
Enrollment closes tonight, 2/18. Don’t miss this opportunity for support.
*Walrond, Karen. The Lightmaker’s Manifesto: How to Work for Change Without Losing Your Joy. Broadleaf Books (Minneapolis, 2021), p. 115.